Sometimes, I have trouble making decisions.

Take last night, for instance. Ally and I were walking under a full moon. The air was still, absent the mighty winds that have plagued us all winter. Although we were walking on a sidewalk within our large apartment complex, not another soul was in sight. As I stopped to admire the night sky, a shooting star whizzed by, gold lines of remarkably sharp definition streaking along behind it.

It passed right over my head. Never had I seen one so close or so stunningly beautiful.

Surely, it was meant for me.

Quick! A wish! I thought.

I wished immediately for love with someone specific. And then took it back, thinking, That's a be-careful-what-you-wish-for-variety wish. Don't be stupid.

OK then, just love. With someone. Soon.

Now that, I thought, is selfish and immature. Insipid even.

I should wish something for my son. I'm a mother after all. Yes, that's it. I'll wish a great love for my son.

No, no, wrong again. This was not an altruistic moment. The wish should be all about moi!

But by that time, the star was long gone. And I felt mildly stressed from trying to come up with the perfect wish so spur of the moment. Besides which, don't most people just know their heart's desire? Is this something you should even have to think about?

In the end, I settled with wishing I'd see more such brilliant sights.

My friends often describe me as decisive, a risk-taker, a person of action and quick, dramatic change.

And maybe on the big-ticket items that's true. Surely, the most memorable things I've done have been somewhat spontaneous. The African. Bungee jumping. Belly button piercing. These make for good conversation pieces.

Clearly, when I listen to other people's stories, I see that I make major changes sooner than most. It's not as though I don't think about it. The solutions just come to me more quickly, I guess, and then I can see no reason to procrastinate.

When it dawned on me my marriage was over, I left. Like that. Never looking back, and with no regret. If I stayed, I knew another child would likely enter the picture (witness the multiple PWP children. See where all this indecisiveness gets you?). It was crystal clear in my brain that the time to go had come.

When I left the Gazette, I knew the day as it dawned. I knew, facing short-term self employment, it was a bit irrational. But was rock sure everything would turn out OK.

But when we get down to the nitty-gritty of life, the everyday stuff of it, I fumble.

Which route should I take to work? The interstate or the side streets? Which will bring me more pleasure? Should I run an errand to the store tonight, or take the dog for a long walk? Which one is calling to me more? And just this eve: Which gas station should I stop at? The one that's easier to get in and out of, or the one that's less busy, that feels more pleasant. ("Pleasant" won out on this one).

As you may now begin to understand, getting dressed in the morning often becomes a major trial. I'm tired before I leave my home.

All too often, it is not about what's practical. It is about what my heart seems to be telling me.

I know what you're thinking: This woman doesn't have enough to think about. As well as, Look at the train wreck that is her life! What's it gonna take for her to figure out the instinct/heart crap is NOT working?

It's not that I don't realize this. It's just that I can't come up with the correct solution - i.e. decision - to it.

In an effort to cut free of this somewhat circular thinking, I decided last Friday not to agonize any more about my shopping purchases at Kohl's. I'll just buy them all, I decided, and return what I don't want.

I bought 11 items. I returned 8. Sheepishly. "But the items I kept I really, really love!" I told the clerk, not wanting her to think I was a neurotic impulse shopper. Even though I was. Even though her polite smile said she already had me figured out.

Come to think of it, my friends also say I live life more by emotion than most of them do.

What it comes down to is I need to make many, many more small spontaneous and big, life-changing decisions.

I'll get started on that tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be momentous, the start of something big!

What on earth am I going to wear?