Tonight, I chatted with a newly divorced single friend. She felt wonderful about her decision and, based on what she'd told me about the relationship, it was the only logical choice available to her. She'd been married and divorced three times she said, and was not prepared to do it again. "I'm done," she said, "done with marriage. Done with men."

She and her husband had been separated for many months, so, she said, the adjustment would be small.

"You get used to being lonely," she said, her expression implying this was a fact I - so long a single woman - already knew and would not argue.

I didn't say anything to her, but I disagree. You get used to being alone. You never get used to being lonely.

Alone is a condition. And often a desirable one. People with families, hectic jobs and frantic schedules long for alone time. It is a time for reflection and relaxation. Being alone often elicits a sense of freedom, the satisfaction of efficiency.

Lonely is an emotion. An ache that manifests itself as a pain inside your chest. You might become familiar with this feeling. But you do not get used to it. Lonely finds you in a crowd.

I am used to being alone. Self sufficient, independent, proud, so entrenched in my aloneness I'm not sure how successful I could be at opening my life to another.

Loneliness, however, demands that I try.